Meal Deals, bike / train wanker, Greece, and a flat viewing

*Guess who's back? Back again Shady's back, Tell a friend*

Duuuuuuuuuuuw ‘stalwm gia!

A few things have happened since my last blog post… I’ve started a band, moved house, graduated, Elon Musk bought Twitter, we’ve seen the changing of 3 prime ministers, we’ve seen the changing of  3 Southampton managers, Elon Musk ruined Twitter, and the country went into national mourning when tragedy struck as the price of a Tesco meal deal rose to £3.90, oh and the Queen’s ded af.

Do you ever get them moments of reflectiveness in your life? Where you get all deep, introspective, and reminiscent. You’re questioning your purpose, and conclude that at the end of the day it’s all for nothing, cause one day we’re all gonna be stuck in the mud… I’ve had one of those months… my car broke down and I’m being SUPER dramatic about it because now I have to bike to the train station every morning and get the train into work & back. An hour cycling everyday man… at the start of the month I was genuinely pedalling and crying simultaneously in the rain. I was so tired that collapsing on the spot and rolling into a small puddle to drown myself in 2cm of misty bacteria infested water seemed like the most pleasant thing to experience in that moment. I’m using my dad’s old bike too, it only goes up to gear 4 for some reason, and if I stop pedalling the chain comes off… nightmare.

But after two weeks of cycling now I’ve started to master the art of cycling. And with the beauty of hindsight I’m kinda starting to enjoy it… my boobs aren’t as big and my heart doesn’t feel like it’s covered in a layer of grease. There’s deffo a really deep metaphor somewhere there about finding zen within chaos or some shit but let me tell you it’s been AWFUL ok, it’s been AWFUL Since the weather’s been nicer I’m half debating just carrying on biking until after summer, cause I’ve also got a holiday at the end of June and it would be nice not to have to wear a two piece.

Going Greece I am… can’t wait to catch sunstroke and get pissed off when my dad’s leg hairs awkwardly touch me on a sweaty bus route to some sort of tourist trap – you know the one where you have to pay an extortionate price for liquid or accept dehydration?

One class thing about holidays is getting your hands on the most obscure flavours of crisps. I’ve always been dead into that shit… going abroad? I’m flying straight to the supermarket *said in foreign accent*… or snorkelling for so long that my whole body prunes up and I look like Hans Moleman from The Simpsons.

I’ve never really been keen on relaxing, I hate sitting still and being stuck with my brain for company, but after this month I’m well up for lying in the sun, getting all red and sticky – a bit like… you know… a bell.. pepper covered in honey.

I’m also currently looking to rent a place with Leah… we went to view a flat yesterday actually… was quite a nice little place. The type of place I could really see myself getting home and complaining about raising prices of electricity and the hideous Guildford council tax fees. We jumped straight in and said we’d put a deposit down there and then, grab the bull by the horns, pull the trigger, secure the bag etc etc, but she (the landlady) calmly dispossessed us and said she’s gonna wait for more viewings first before deciding. That makes it sound like a huge failure but it was actually a huge power play on my behalf cause lemme tell you… she was startled (in a good way). I came in all assertive with that prime Jose Mourinho attitude talking numbers and stats, the lips were moving but the eyes were telling a different story if you know what I mean? Gonna have to fend off all the other competition now though… might just stand outside the door with a nest full of hyped up wasps just to fend off any potential threats.

The only downside of the flat tour was when we were shown the kitchen I spotted a plate full of dead meat, her dinner (obviously), but she was letting it breathe or something idk… bringing it up to room temp. Caught 3 slabs of meat staring at me looking all bloody, pale and lifeless (I’m a veggie) and I almost threw hands. (this is the part where we don’t get the flat because of my negative tomfoolery) (karma) (please don’t punish us we really want this flat).

The landlady was Greek as it goes, I made a small fool of myself because I actually don’t know where in Greece I’m going in June, and when she asked I just straight up lied to her face and said Crete? I am ashamed of my ignorance.

I’ve also got my first gig hopefully coming up in May… been a long time coming… but there were barriers I had to break down first you know? Been offered one in Shoreditch, or as I like to call it Soredick (tehehe) and we’re just ready to rock, ready to play some ROCK SHOWS you know? Will let you know if it deffo goes ahead xx 

 Anyyyyyywaaaaaaaay, we’ll leave it there for this episode (can I call it an episode?) (Let’s just call it an episode) I’m gonna aim to do these once every two weeks, but keep it a bit shorter you know? There’s only so much brain power a guy has! See you on the flippidy flip *michael scott voice*

xxx